The Graipest Condiment

Anyone out there worships ketchup like I do? If so than you rock, but there are a few things that those fat-cats don’t want you to know. For instance, the variety of colors that Heinz ketchup comes in – many many different colors like blue, purple and green. Which is weird because I’ve seen red tomatoes, and even green tomatoes, but never blue or purple ones, which is kind of scary because you wonder where these mutant tomatoes are coming from. Another thing – the 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle – what does it mean!? Well I have cracked the code, and it seems that 57 Varieties was a slogan that was chosen in the 1890’s – but if you are thinking that “wait. 57 varieties of Heinz, that seems too much!” you are right, because there is no such thing. Henry J. Heinz chose 5 because it was his lucky number, and 7 because it was his wife’s lucky number. That’s it – also, apparently the number 7 has some sort of psychological influence, but I doubt he would be THAT scientific in his choices. Otherwise the slogan would have to be 1 Variety – which is a little off-putting. If you made it this far in the article, I will teach you something interesting, especially if you like ketchup, and you buy anything other than the squeeze bottle. Everyone always complains that you have to hit these ketchup bottles really hard to release the viscous red treasure inside, and sometimes you get ketchup all over your new vest as well as your girlfriend’s face. The 57 on the neck of the bottle is put there for a reason, keep the ketchup upright, and smack the 57 logo with the butt of your hand, and then turn it over at a diagonal angle and the ketchup pours out like an odd river that has lost its density. Do it at a party, and everyone will look at you with amazement – and you can finally be “that Ketchup Wizard,” and not “that guy who sprayed ketchup on my new polo t-shirt.” I would give you a few recipes for what to do with ketchup, but personally I put it on everything, literally, so if you do not like ketchup salad or rice and raisins and ketchup, forget it.

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  1. Superb read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was performing a bit research on that. And he actually bought me lunch as I identified it for him smile So let me rephrase that: Thank you for lunch!

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